Hey all. So this once a week posting hasn't gone so well, huh? I'm so sorry about that. :( If intentions get any credit, I've been thinking about what to say for these past two weeks. So at least it's been on my mind, right? ;) I'll try to be more prompt in posting next time!
I want to preface this whole thing before I start. It has been my intention from the beginning of this blog to be as open and honest as wisdom and discernment will allow. I see no point in just telling you all the brightest and best moments I have during my trip without telling you about the bumps and bruises in between; you deserve to see the whole picture as best as I can paint it. But sometimes that picture just isn't pretty. So here it goes!
The past week and half has been hard. Teaching at ICS, or at an international school in general, is very different from teaching in America. The students here are highly academic and motivated. Academically, there are very few days where I feel prepared to teach such a motivated group of kids, especially considering my AP seniors. It's a blessing, but definitely intimidating. ICS is also different in that it is an extremely relational school. I love this and wouldn't have it any other way. But along with it comes the social pressure to constantly be in check. I'm being watched; these kids immediately look up to you if they know you're a teacher. They desire a relationship with you.
So there's the mental demand on you before, during, and after school. Then there's the constant awareness that you're being watched, that the students around you could be looking for Christ in you (and for an introvert like myself, being around people all day with this awareness in mind can be extra draining). On top of that, you have friends. On top of that, you have lesson planning and grading (which takes a significantly longer time than I imagined). And then--let's not forget-- you have your walk with Him.
All of this just hit me last week. Hard. And I'll admit it: when I'm overwhelmed and away from the people that I'm used to receiving support from, I feel incredibly distant from God. I couldn't connect to Him through prayer, I didn't feel connected with anyone here despite how incredible everyone has been, and any bit of the Word I read seemed difficult to grasp. And when I'm like this, when I'm not close to Him, I never feel myself. The only way I can describe it is uncomfortable.
But thankfully there can't be a down without the existence of an up. One of my close, close friends Caitlin wrote me a note before I left for Singapore. After reading that note, something just clicked. And this is what I've learned as a result...
"Humble (submit) yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that at the proper time he may exalt you." 1 Peter 5: 6. I'm finding that this is something that needs to be done constantly if I am ever to get through the week. I am in a position that demands the Lord to lead if I am to be any bit successful in this classroom, if these students are to see anything in my life that draws them to Christ. I cannot possibly do this on my own.
"Humble, vrb.: to lower yourself in dignity or importance." When I read this, I automatically think of extreme "Christian" self-denial. Of saying that you're not important and labeling that as humility. But can we ever truly acknowledge what's unimportant if we don't first recognize what's most important? Humility is often defined by something negative; by a debasement of yourself in order to achieve moral character. But humility is by far a positive turning. Humility shouldn't be defined by what you're turning away from, but what you're turning towards. Maybe it's not so much about lowering yourself in dignity and importance as it is in raising Someone up in your heart, in giving Him the dignity and importance in your life that He deserves. Yes, the natural outflow of that is a lowering of yourself. But that's the effect of humility, not the cause. The cause is giving Him the proper authority He designed Himself to have in your life. I think that that's true humility.
Sometimes that means relinquishing what everything around you is saying to be true. Letting go of doubts, fears, anxieties. 1 Peter 5: 6 continues, saying, "casting all your anxieties (plural) on Him, because He cares for you." And this is His promise to us: "And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you" (1 Peter 5: 10). That's a promise that I can, that I have to claim as I teach at ICS or in any environment. I have to recognize Who really is in control of this, and that is most definitely not myself. ;)
So there you have it! Since the start of Wednesday, things have been so much better, thankfully. Here are a few prayer requests for you to keep in mind:
1.) Half of my senior class and one-third of my AP class isn't saved. There are couple of girls and one boy in these classes that I'm very drawn towards. I think that there might be some opportunities with them soon. Please pray for that!
2.) Aunti Sarah--this is an Indian woman who works at ICS. She's 75, and an active Hindu. However, she's extremely relational. She just loves to talk, even though her English is very broken. She seems lonely. Pray that He will make a way for the faculty at ICS to see her and take advantage of opportunities.
3.) The strength to be vulnerable, with God and with those around me.
I love you all SO much! Thanks for reading all of this...I keep trying to condense, but it just never works out. :( I'll be posting some pictures and a financial update soon. Hope you all are doing well!
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Monday, January 16, 2012
I have arrived!
Life in Singapore began on the 10th of January and has now commenced for a grand total of six days. That's crazy to me; I feel like I've lived here for months. My transition here has been so incredibly smooth thus far. I've already been learning so much, but I'll try to touch on a few highlights instead of writing novels. :)
My roommates are absolutely amazing. I am so incredibly blessed that He placed me in this house. I live with six other girls (yes, you are correct; there are SEVEN girls living together. I know it seems a bit much, but ironically we hardly see each other). Most of them work at ICS, so it's been helpful having someone by my side guiding me through the MRT (basically a train I take to get to school), bus systems, and hallways of ICS.
Besides the convenient factor of living with these girls, there is also the emotional and personal factor. I've had a lot of experience in being with groups of people that I don't know and who don't know me. The feeling of loneliness doesn't go away, but a tolerance for it and reliance on God definitely strengthens through it. This increased reliance combined with the relational hearts of my roommates has resulted in me almost immediately feeling at home with them. These girls are who they 24/7; there's no fake faces with them. They are simply great, chill people, and I'm so grateful for His grace and sovereignty for placing me with them.
Now for Singapore. Singapore isn't exactly a difficult place to transition to. Everything is in English. Everything. The island is also incredibly industrialized, so scenes of poverty or indigenous culture are extremely rare. I pretty much left America to live for four months in a highly cultural version of America. I knew this before arriving to Singapore, but I guess it just didn't sink in until my plane landed. I initially struggled with this similarity (at times I still do). I'm realizing the more and more I'm here that my heart truly lies with people who are impoverished both spiritually and physically. However, after a bit of angst towards the Lord for bringing me here, I realized just that: He brought me here. He has a purpose for whatever action He decides to take. Who am I to criticize His work when I'm covering my eyes with my own hands, refusing to see anything beyond what I decide to see? You can't see, appreciate, and experience the entire masterpiece when you're focusing on only one simple brushstroke used to paint it.
So after that little piece of humble pie, I've begun to realize how much opportunity there is here.
First of all, there are so many Asian cultures and beliefs represented here. Just yesterday, I went to the hauker. Haukers are somewhat like very Asian versions of food courts that are generally found around HDBs (housing development buildings). Quick Singapore fact: HDBs are government housing for rather unwealthy Singaporeans. The government requires that people of differing ethnicity [Indonesian, Malaysian, Chinese, etc.] inhabit these buildings, thereby establishing cultural harmony by preventing similar ethnic groups from disincluding those different from them. Unity is very important to Singapore. Anyways, haukers develop around HDBs because they provide very cheap food while giving inhabitants of the HDBs an authentic taste of their culture. While I was there, I ordered from an Indian food stall and began talking with the owner. He was incredibly friendly and open about his distaste for Singapore (too much work and no entertainment :P). And I realized right then that simple interactions like these open doors for the Gospel. There are plenty of interactions I've had already, and I can't wait for the opportunity when I can hopefully engage in some spiritual conversations with the locals.
Furthermore, the kids at ICS are fabulous. They have such a caring, warm quality in their interactions with each other and with myself. Thankfully, I've already connected with many of the students in my Cambodia mission trip group meetings and a few from my English classes. However, many of them, if not the majority, are unsaved. I just found out today from my cooperating teacher that most of the seniors I will be instructing do not claim to believe in Christ. I so badly want this to change...
And that leads me to prayer requests:
1.) Please pray for the salvation of the students in my classes, and that my heart would be broken for them.
2.) Pray that I will be able to direct the classroom discussion in such a way that would cause my students to think about their faith in a meaningful, searching fashion. These students, although many of which aren't saved, are constantly surrounded by Christian truths at ICS, whether that's through their Bible classes or chapel services. Christianity is easily turning into a concept to them instead of living truth. They can't keep being told what to believe; they have to think for themselves and believe on their own accord. Please pray for wisdom, discernment, and sensitivity towards the Spirit in my instruction and interactions with these students.
3.) Pray that I would be sensitive to whatever opportunities He may have for me with the locals.
4.) Pray that I would have humility and discretion. Humility to effectively lean on Christ, and discretion to conduct myself in a professional manner around the students. I'm finding it's very easy for me to slip into "friend-mode" with the seniors; whereas I can be more relaxed with them, they still need to respect me. It's hard to be an "adult" when you're only three or four years older than the "kids." Pray for balance and discernment.
5.) Pray for the missions trip to Cambodia that I'm chaperoning from March 8 - 16th. The team is a bit divided and seemingly ambivalent. Pray for soft hearts.
Wow. There's so much more I could write, but I'm going to leave it at that. :) Thank you for reading all of this if you're still here with me. I will be updating this on a weekly basis, but once I begin teaching it will probably be bi-weekly. For now, here are some pictures of my explorations thus far.
Chinatown: everyone is decorating for Chinese New Year, the year of the dragon.
Dim Sum! Waiters with carts of food stop by all the tables, and you choose what you want to eat. The food keeps changing with each waiter that stops at your table. It's like a buffet on wheels. :)
Marina Bay Sands--a.k.a where really, really rich people live. :P I'm on the left, and Laura, one of my roommates, is on the right.
.
My roommates are absolutely amazing. I am so incredibly blessed that He placed me in this house. I live with six other girls (yes, you are correct; there are SEVEN girls living together. I know it seems a bit much, but ironically we hardly see each other). Most of them work at ICS, so it's been helpful having someone by my side guiding me through the MRT (basically a train I take to get to school), bus systems, and hallways of ICS.
Besides the convenient factor of living with these girls, there is also the emotional and personal factor. I've had a lot of experience in being with groups of people that I don't know and who don't know me. The feeling of loneliness doesn't go away, but a tolerance for it and reliance on God definitely strengthens through it. This increased reliance combined with the relational hearts of my roommates has resulted in me almost immediately feeling at home with them. These girls are who they 24/7; there's no fake faces with them. They are simply great, chill people, and I'm so grateful for His grace and sovereignty for placing me with them.
Now for Singapore. Singapore isn't exactly a difficult place to transition to. Everything is in English. Everything. The island is also incredibly industrialized, so scenes of poverty or indigenous culture are extremely rare. I pretty much left America to live for four months in a highly cultural version of America. I knew this before arriving to Singapore, but I guess it just didn't sink in until my plane landed. I initially struggled with this similarity (at times I still do). I'm realizing the more and more I'm here that my heart truly lies with people who are impoverished both spiritually and physically. However, after a bit of angst towards the Lord for bringing me here, I realized just that: He brought me here. He has a purpose for whatever action He decides to take. Who am I to criticize His work when I'm covering my eyes with my own hands, refusing to see anything beyond what I decide to see? You can't see, appreciate, and experience the entire masterpiece when you're focusing on only one simple brushstroke used to paint it.
So after that little piece of humble pie, I've begun to realize how much opportunity there is here.
First of all, there are so many Asian cultures and beliefs represented here. Just yesterday, I went to the hauker. Haukers are somewhat like very Asian versions of food courts that are generally found around HDBs (housing development buildings). Quick Singapore fact: HDBs are government housing for rather unwealthy Singaporeans. The government requires that people of differing ethnicity [Indonesian, Malaysian, Chinese, etc.] inhabit these buildings, thereby establishing cultural harmony by preventing similar ethnic groups from disincluding those different from them. Unity is very important to Singapore. Anyways, haukers develop around HDBs because they provide very cheap food while giving inhabitants of the HDBs an authentic taste of their culture. While I was there, I ordered from an Indian food stall and began talking with the owner. He was incredibly friendly and open about his distaste for Singapore (too much work and no entertainment :P). And I realized right then that simple interactions like these open doors for the Gospel. There are plenty of interactions I've had already, and I can't wait for the opportunity when I can hopefully engage in some spiritual conversations with the locals.
Furthermore, the kids at ICS are fabulous. They have such a caring, warm quality in their interactions with each other and with myself. Thankfully, I've already connected with many of the students in my Cambodia mission trip group meetings and a few from my English classes. However, many of them, if not the majority, are unsaved. I just found out today from my cooperating teacher that most of the seniors I will be instructing do not claim to believe in Christ. I so badly want this to change...
And that leads me to prayer requests:
1.) Please pray for the salvation of the students in my classes, and that my heart would be broken for them.
2.) Pray that I will be able to direct the classroom discussion in such a way that would cause my students to think about their faith in a meaningful, searching fashion. These students, although many of which aren't saved, are constantly surrounded by Christian truths at ICS, whether that's through their Bible classes or chapel services. Christianity is easily turning into a concept to them instead of living truth. They can't keep being told what to believe; they have to think for themselves and believe on their own accord. Please pray for wisdom, discernment, and sensitivity towards the Spirit in my instruction and interactions with these students.
3.) Pray that I would be sensitive to whatever opportunities He may have for me with the locals.
4.) Pray that I would have humility and discretion. Humility to effectively lean on Christ, and discretion to conduct myself in a professional manner around the students. I'm finding it's very easy for me to slip into "friend-mode" with the seniors; whereas I can be more relaxed with them, they still need to respect me. It's hard to be an "adult" when you're only three or four years older than the "kids." Pray for balance and discernment.
5.) Pray for the missions trip to Cambodia that I'm chaperoning from March 8 - 16th. The team is a bit divided and seemingly ambivalent. Pray for soft hearts.
Wow. There's so much more I could write, but I'm going to leave it at that. :) Thank you for reading all of this if you're still here with me. I will be updating this on a weekly basis, but once I begin teaching it will probably be bi-weekly. For now, here are some pictures of my explorations thus far.
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Monday, January 9, 2012
My next piece of the puzzle
Hey guys! I've never really done one of these things before, so I'm not quite sure how to start ("Welcome"?).
If you're reading this, I'm probably in Singapore by now. Crazy, huh? I'll be there for four months, charging my way through teaching English literature to international high school students. I've never been out of the country for more than two weeks, and I knew that I would need a way to keep people updated while I'm away and keep me connected. So voila! A blog.
It's 4 am, and I'm leaving in fifteen minutes to drive to the airport. So for a first post, this isn't going to be all that inspirational. :P With that said, please join me in this little adventure through prayer. I'm so excited to see how He has swung this door open for me to go to Singapore and Cambodia as well; please pray for wisdom and discernment for me as I interact with my students and try to lead them to the best of my ability.
If there is anything that He's taught me over the few years of my life (which He definitely has), it's that He leads one step at a time. Life is so similar to piecing a puzzle together without a solid idea of what the picture looks like. So for now, Singapore is my next puzzle piece. I'm not quite sure where it fits in with the other cardboard edges that have already been laid down and those that haven't, but He does. He knows exactly where Singapore fits into my life. And that's enough for me. He's been sovereign enough to piece things together thus far, and He's sovereign enough to continue to do so.
Slowly but surely, He'll show me what He's planned all along. For now, I wait.
Off I go! You'll be hearing from me soon hopefully. :)
If you're reading this, I'm probably in Singapore by now. Crazy, huh? I'll be there for four months, charging my way through teaching English literature to international high school students. I've never been out of the country for more than two weeks, and I knew that I would need a way to keep people updated while I'm away and keep me connected. So voila! A blog.
It's 4 am, and I'm leaving in fifteen minutes to drive to the airport. So for a first post, this isn't going to be all that inspirational. :P With that said, please join me in this little adventure through prayer. I'm so excited to see how He has swung this door open for me to go to Singapore and Cambodia as well; please pray for wisdom and discernment for me as I interact with my students and try to lead them to the best of my ability.
If there is anything that He's taught me over the few years of my life (which He definitely has), it's that He leads one step at a time. Life is so similar to piecing a puzzle together without a solid idea of what the picture looks like. So for now, Singapore is my next puzzle piece. I'm not quite sure where it fits in with the other cardboard edges that have already been laid down and those that haven't, but He does. He knows exactly where Singapore fits into my life. And that's enough for me. He's been sovereign enough to piece things together thus far, and He's sovereign enough to continue to do so.
Slowly but surely, He'll show me what He's planned all along. For now, I wait.
Off I go! You'll be hearing from me soon hopefully. :)
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