Ups and Downs and All around Chinatown.

Hey all. So this once a week posting hasn't gone so well, huh? I'm so sorry about that. :( If intentions get any credit, I've been thinking about what to say for these past two weeks. So at least it's been on my mind, right? ;) I'll try to be more prompt in posting next time!

I want to preface this whole thing before I start. It has been my intention from the beginning of this blog to be as open and honest as wisdom and discernment will allow. I see no point in just telling you all the brightest and best moments I have during my trip without telling you about the bumps and bruises in between; you deserve to see the whole picture as best as I can paint it. But sometimes that picture just isn't pretty. So here it goes!

The past week and half has been hard. Teaching at ICS, or at an international school in general, is very different from teaching in America. The students here are highly academic and motivated. Academically, there are very few days where I feel prepared to teach such a motivated group of kids, especially considering my AP seniors. It's a blessing, but definitely intimidating. ICS is also different in that it is an extremely relational school. I love this and wouldn't have it any other way. But along with it comes the social pressure to constantly be in check. I'm being watched; these kids immediately look up to you if they know you're a teacher. They desire a relationship with you.

So there's the mental demand on you before, during, and after school. Then there's the constant awareness that you're being watched, that the students around you could be looking for Christ in you (and for an introvert like myself, being around people all day with this awareness in mind can be extra draining). On top of that, you have friends. On top of that, you have lesson planning and grading (which takes a significantly longer time than I imagined). And then--let's not forget-- you have your walk with Him.

All of this just hit me last week. Hard. And I'll admit it: when I'm overwhelmed and away from the people that I'm used to receiving support from, I feel incredibly distant from God. I couldn't connect to Him through prayer, I didn't feel connected with anyone here despite how incredible everyone has been, and any bit of the Word I read seemed difficult to grasp. And when I'm like this, when I'm not close to Him, I never feel myself. The only way I can describe it is uncomfortable.

But thankfully there can't be a down without the existence of an up. One of my close, close friends Caitlin wrote me a note before I left for Singapore. After reading that note, something just clicked. And this is what I've learned as a result...

"Humble (submit) yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that at the proper time he may exalt you." 1 Peter 5: 6. I'm finding that this is something that needs to be done constantly if I am ever to get through the week. I am in a position that demands the Lord to lead if I am to be any bit successful in this classroom, if these students are to see anything in my life that draws them to Christ. I cannot possibly do this on my own.

"Humble, vrb.: to lower yourself in dignity or importance." When I read this, I automatically think of extreme "Christian" self-denial. Of saying that you're not important and labeling that as humility. But can we ever truly acknowledge what's unimportant if we don't first recognize what's most important? Humility is often defined by something negative; by a debasement of yourself in order to achieve moral character. But humility is by far a positive turning.  Humility shouldn't be defined by what you're turning away from, but what you're turning towards. Maybe it's not so much about lowering yourself in dignity and importance as it is in raising Someone up in your heart, in giving Him the dignity and importance in your life that He deserves. Yes, the natural outflow of that is a lowering of yourself. But that's the effect of humility, not the cause. The cause is giving Him the proper authority He designed Himself to have in your life. I think that that's true humility.

Sometimes that means relinquishing what everything around you is saying to be true. Letting go of doubts, fears, anxieties. 1 Peter 5: 6 continues, saying, "casting all your anxieties (plural) on Him, because He cares for you." And this is His promise to us: "And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you" (1 Peter 5: 10). That's a promise that I can, that I have to claim as I teach at ICS or in any environment. I have to recognize Who really is in control of this, and that is most definitely not myself. ;)

So there you have it! Since the start of Wednesday, things have been so much better, thankfully. Here are a few prayer requests for you to keep in mind:
1.) Half of my senior class and one-third of my AP class isn't saved. There are couple of girls and one boy in these classes that I'm very drawn towards. I think that there might be some opportunities with them soon. Please pray for that!
2.) Aunti Sarah--this is an Indian woman who works at ICS. She's 75, and an active Hindu. However, she's extremely relational. She just loves to talk, even though her English is very broken. She seems lonely. Pray that He will make a way for the faculty at ICS to see her and take advantage of opportunities.
3.) The strength to be vulnerable, with God and with those around me.

I love you all SO much! Thanks for reading all of this...I keep trying to condense, but it just never works out. :( I'll be posting some pictures and a financial update soon. Hope you all are doing well!